The 3 Types of Conversations
Lets talk about them
Hello there 👋
Here is a challenge for you.
I want you to ask a question to a complete stranger
Not just any old question I want you to ask them this question:
“When was the last time you cried in front of someone?”
Ouch! Right?
I will put a month’s salary that you wouldn’t want to ask a stranger that question
Why not?
Let me tell you a story…
There was a time when I was seeing my family and I was really frustrated by what my dad had said to me, he was treating me like a baby even though I was an adult.
I told my partner and she gave me some really good advice.
However, rather than accepting her advice, I said things like
“You should be on my side!”
“Hes talking to me wrong don’t you see?”
“What don’t you get?”
The reason was that we were having 2 different conversations
When you have the wrong conversation with someone they cannot ‘hear’ you.
3 Types of Conversations
Practical conversations - This is when we are sharing facts or figures
Example: "The train leaves at 8:30 AM, and the next one isn’t until 9:00 AM."
Emotional Conversations - This is when you are connecting over experiences and addressing feelings
Example: "I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with work lately—it’s been tough to balance everything."
Social Conversations - To connect casually and maintain relationships through engaging questioning.
Example: “How did you end up moving here?”
You see in my story I was having an emotional conversation and my partner was having a practical conversation. The result was we could not communicate properly with each other.
How To Figure Out What Conversation You are Having
This is easier than it sounds
School teachers have been taught this technique when children who have not developed the communication skills to better understand them
They simply ask them:
“Do you want to be helped, hugged or heard?”
Helped = Practical conversation
Hugged = Emotional conversation
Heard = Social conversation
But as adults how do we address it with a colleague or partner?
It’s really simple
YOU. ASK. QUESTIONS
Specifically, questions I call “Brain Pickers”
These are questions that get people to VIBE, That right
V.I.B.E
V = Values
I = insights
B = Beliefs
E = Emotions or feelings
Examples of Brain Pickers
"What’s something you wish more people understood or agreed with?"
"What’s a mindset or saying that helps you get through tough times?"
"What’s something unique or special about where you grew up?"
"What’s an activity or hobby that’s been a part of your life for as long as you can remember?"
"What’s been the highlight of your week so far?"
"What’s your go-to way to feel better after a stressful day?"
It is fair to say that me and my partner communicate much better 😂
And I want you to communicate better with the people around you,
Get the V.I.B.E with others and let me know what you learn about others.
Speak to you soon
Kind regards
Sebastian from Art of Charisma